we have pet lesbian snakes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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