Porn is love you can see.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
