Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
