watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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