I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
