Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
