The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
