It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
