Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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