That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
