he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
