If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
