He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
