She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
