how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
tell me about the eggs
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