Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
