I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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