Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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