it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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