Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
