who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
