What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
