best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My penis needs a shock collar
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
