i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
