He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
