I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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