if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so much tequila, so little girl.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
