He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize