I wanna bring you to show and tell
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
