I think I won the penis lottery.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i believe in u and ur pee
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
