Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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