If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
