New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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