Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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