Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
