I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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