you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
