Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
