Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
