Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
