My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
