I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
