i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
