I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
