I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They took my balls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
