Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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