dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
