woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
