I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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