You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
