I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
