he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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