Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just blew my weed a kiss
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
