you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
