Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
