I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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