he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
