how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
