"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
