oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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