I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
