Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
