Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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