omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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