from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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