I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
