today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
