Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ladies don't puke and tell
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
