a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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