i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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