I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
