She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
