I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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