Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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