Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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