There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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