omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
