i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
