Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
