Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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