If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
