I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
