my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
