Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
