are you still at the devil's house?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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